Sleepwalking and Horcruxes
by punkchick99
Summary: A funny oneshot in which Harry sleepwalks. Includes pink frilly dresses so do not try this at home!Ron tries to find out what a Horcrux is, and does not succeed. Includes laughter and... Playwizard magazines. Dont try those at home either... PRE HBP


At 2am on the dot, Harry Potter suddenly bolted upright in his bed. Where was he? He looked around cautiously and realized that he was at The Burrow.

But hang on-what was that terrible noise! It sounded like machine guns!

"Everybody get down! We're under attack! Voldemort's attacking with machine guns!" screamed Harry loudly, jumping out of bed and proceeding to go and hide in the closet, clad only in boxer shorts.

Ron Weasley bolted upright in his small bed, a strange noise interrupting his slumber.

"Whalgh-?" said Ron. It took Harry a minute to decipher that, but when he did, he replied quickly and loudly.

"Voldemort's attacking with machine guns! Run for your life Ronald!"

'Bleh,' Ron said groggily, and then fell back onto his pillow and fell asleep again.

The machine gun began again. Harry squealed loudly again from inside the closet. "Right! Every man for himself! Run for your lives!"

Ginny Weasley, donned in red pajamas which clashed loudly with her flame-coloured hair, entered the room, as she had been woken by Harry's girlish squealing.

She looked towards the closet confusedly, wondering why there were sounds coming from it. A Boggart perhaps? She walked over it to it, preparing for the worst, her wand at the ready.

But instead of a Boggart in the shape of Professor Snape, or something equally terrifying, Ginny found the famous Harry Potter struggling to put his gangly legs into a pink and purple frilly dress. As he attempted this feat, he was still squealing, "Attack attack! Run! He's gunna get us!"

Ginny managed to control her laughter for approximately one millisecond.

"Harry, what on earth are you doing!" she spluttered, dropping her wand and clutching her stomach.

He ignored her and continued to put on the dress, all the while humming the tune to 'I'm So Pretty.' After succeeding in pulling the humongous dress over his scrawny body, he proceeded to attempt to pierce his own ear. However, instead of the traditional needle, Harry had opted to pierce his ear with none other than Ron's smelly old stripy sock.

Ginny felt as if she were about to wet her pants, and so she thought she had better try to stop Harry before he did anything more ridiculous. She grabbed the sock from Harry's hand, holding it as far away from her face as possible, and then slapped him across the face with it. Harry stopped squealing for a second, staring at her in disbelief. But, then, he started to yell at Ginny.

"You're in with him aren't you! You and Voldy are a little old team! I bet you go way back! You're his homegirl! His hoe! His sugar sugar pie! I knew it! He's your pimping bad guy. You and Voldy! Together forever! WELL GUESS WHAT! You're not getting me!" he cackled as he spoke the last words, dancing a little in the tight space that he had wedged himself into.

Enter Fred and George, whom were wearing matching blue pajamas with fireworks on them, so it was nearly impossible to tell which was which. They both took in the scene before them and fell to the floor, rolling around, tears streaming from their eyes.

Enter Mr and Mrs Weasley- Mr Weasley wearing a big blue dressing gown and Mrs Weasley wearing a pretty pink one with floral lacing. They stood behind Ginny, Mr Weasley resting his hand on Ginny's shoulder as to restrain her silently. Both were trying to stop themselves from laughing, grins stretching across their faces.

Ginny didn't know whether to laugh even more or be offended. "Harry you stupid twat!" she said, laughing a little.

"Flergh?" came a voice from the other side of the room. The five Weasley's turned to find the source.

"Oh Ron," laughed Mrs Weasley, unable to contain herself any longer.

It was at this point that Harry suddenly stood up extremely straight, hitting his head hard on the top of the closet.

"OW!" he yelled, rubbing his head and blinking blearily.

He stared around him warily, wondering at his audience.

They fell silent and watched him, backing up a little.

"What the hell!" he yelled, suddenly noticing his outfit.

"Is this some kind of joke! Fred and George! You're behind this aren't you!" he screamed, his face turning red as he clambered out of the closet and started stalking towards the twins, whom had regained their composure and were now standing.

"No no Harry," they tried to reassure him, seeing the wand in his right hand.

"Oh yeah? Who was it then?" he said, suddenly changing course and turning towards the youngest Weasley, "Was it you Ginny? Huh?"

Ginny simply laughed, knowing Harry would never do anything to her. "No Harry, we woke up to you squealing about machine guns, and You Know Who, and you also tried to pierce your ear with a sock," she replied, laughing.

His face turned an even unhealthier colour and he turned towards the twins again.

"Oh yeah?" he said in a low, menacing voice, "Then why in Merlin's name am I wearing a DRESS! This reeks of you two."

The twins simply shook their heads, clutching each other as they tried to control their laughter.

"Actually Harry, it looked like you were having fun putting on the dress," said Ginny, smirking, "You were even humming the tune to I'm So Pretty when you were trying to get it on."

Harry stared at her in horror, and it all came flooding back to him. That was why that tune was running through his head.

"Oh dear Merlin," he said, slumping to the floor, his frilly dress billowing out around him.

"You were sleepwalking Harry," piped up Mr Weasley for the first time, smiling at the embarrassed boy, "Nothing to be ashamed of. And, if we had been under attack, at least you would have given us a good warning." Harry put his head in his hands, willing them all to go away and leave him in his self-pity.

"But Mr Weasley," started Harry, his voice muffled behind his hands, "Sleepwalking isn't real sir. Perhaps you have been watching too many Muggle movies?"

Mr Weasley looked as if he were about to protest, but was silenced when Hermione Granger entered the room in a pink fluffy dressing gown adorned with pictures of smiling house elves on it.

"Actually Harry," started Hermione, a serious expression on her face, "Sleepwalking is real. Sleepwalking comes from the Latin word 'Sleepus Walkus' and the scientific definition for 'SleepusWalkus' is…"

At the word Latin, Fred and George ran from the room as fast as their legs would carry them.

At the word definition, Ginny followed suit, receiving an exasperated glare from a desparate looking Harry on her way out.

After about ten minutes, when Hermione was giving examples of famous sleepwalkers (Ila Walker), Mr and Mrs Weasley left, saying that they 'needed to get some rest', Mr Weasley giving Harry a smirk, as if to say 'I told you so' on his way out.

15 minutes later, Harry felt his eyelids drooping.

2 minutes later, he let his eyelids rest, promising himself that it would only be a minute.

3 minutes later he opened his eyes reluctantly and pretended to listen for a while.

5 minutes later he couldn't take it anymore, and fell asleep on the floor, still wearing the dress.

10 minutes later he heard a lilt in Hermione's voice, which probably meant that she was stopping. Harry's eyes snapped open in excitement- was she stopping?

"So do you realize now Harry?"

'Mmmhm.'

"Good!" said Hermione a little too brightly. "Why were you asking anyway?"

"Don't. Ask."

"Okay," said Hermione, raising her eyebrow, "But why are you wearing a dress?"

Harry groaned and hit his head against the cupboard, mumbling profanities.

"I just felt like I needed a bit of air," he snapped at her sarcastically.

"No need to be rude Harry," she said pompously, stalking out of the room.

He simply glared at her retreating back and ripped the dress of, dumping it on the floor and clambering into his bed, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Just before he drifted off, he heard Ron still snoring loudly in the bed next to him.

"Merlin," muttered Harry to himself, "Ron's snoring sounds like a machine gun."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Harry, mate? Harry?" said somebody, shaking Harry's shoulders rather violently.

Harry opened his eyes groggily and mumbled something indecipherable.

"Yes Harry," said Ron, as if understanding perfectly, "but it's already ten."

Harry sat up a little more, with his eyes half closed, and leant his head against the cold cement wall behind him. Suddenly all the events of the night before came back to him, and he groaned loudly, as they replayed over and over in his mind. How could he face the rest of the Weasleys?

Meanwhile, Ron was having his own problems. "Harry?"

All he got in response was another indecipherable mumble, so he guessed that that was probably the signal to talk.

"Have you ever heard of the word Horcrux?" inquired Ron hesitantly.

"Eh?" grunted Harry, rubbing his eyes groggily.

"Horcrux," repeated Ron patiently.

Harry opened his eyes fully and stared at Ron.

"Ron, have you been looking in those dodgy magazines again? Why didn't you tell me you had any? Are you hogging them all to yourself? Whore Crut…"

"No you prat, HORCRUX. Not what you were gunna say. And I don't have any magazines!"

"Oh," mumbled Harry, sadly, crawling back under his covers and groaning miserably.

Ron sighed, and decided to go and ask the twins, as Harry was absolutely no help at all.

Ron normally wouldn't venture into the twins' room, because last time he had tried, he had ended up with pink hair for a week, but this time he was desperate- he NEEDED to know what it was.

He knocked on the door cautiously, which said to him- 'You look very pretty this morning.' It was obviously set in case Mrs Weasley came to their room. A red head peeped around the side of the door, but then seeing that it was only Ron, opened it a little more, revealing the other twin.

"Whadya want? We're busy," said one of the twins, glaring at Ron.

Ron got straight to the point. "I need to ask you something…" but he was quickly cut off.

"We don't give advice, unless you pay us. Advice is Bill's thing."

"Bill isn't here!" cried Ron desperately.

"Not our problem," they said, starting to close the door in his face.

Ron stopped the door with his foot, thinking of how incredibly selfish (or maybe just smart) his brothers were, and trying to think of something to pay them with.

"Ok! Ok!" he yelled, as they started to break his foot with the door.

"You're gunna pay us?" inquired George, grinning.

"Yes," sighed Ron. He wished it didn't have to come to this.

"I've got some of those new magazines…from PlayWizard. I'll give you some if you answer my question…but you can't tell Harry I've got them! Promise!"

Fred and George looked at their little brother in awe and admiration.

"How did you get them past Mum!" they whispered in sync, an incredulous expression on both their faces.

"That's irrelevant. Do we have a deal?" Fred and George stared at each other for a minute, then turned back to Ron, and nodded in unison. Ron found this a little scary, but ignored it.

"BUT… We want the magazines first," said George, smirking at the look on Ron's face. Ron sighed, but reluctantly went and got the magazines, and then handed them to George.

"Now what do you want?"

Ron took a deep breath and asked.

"Do either of you know, or have you heard of, a Horcrux?" Fred and George immediately burst out laughing.

For a couple of minutes of the twins followed a routine: they stared at each other, laughed, stopped, stared at Ron, then repeated the whole thing again.

As soon as they paused, Ron took the opportunity. "Are you done now?" asked Ron exasperatedly.

"Yeah," they replied, sniggering, "But where did you hear that? It sounds like it's out of one of these magazines…" said George, holding up a glossy magazine with a...person... on it.

"No, it's not from the damn magazines!" yelled Ron. "I had a dream…there was Dumbledore, and he was saying something about a Horcrux…" The twins were now rolling around on the floor, clutching their sides and stomachs, and mumbling random things like 'Dumbledore,' and 'Horcruxes,' and lastly, 'magazines!'

Ron, seeing that they would be about as much help as Harry, snatched the magazines out of George's hand, who made a feeble attempt to get them back and then returned to laughing. Ron then proceeded to stalk off in what Fred and George must have thought was a hilarious fashion, because they laughed even harder, if that was possible.

Ronniekins now decided to go to the girls' room- his last resort. It wasn't like he could go to his parents and ask them, what if it really was a…um…bad…thing?

He knocked on Ginny and Hermione's door, and there was an immediate response. "Come in," called Ginny. He entered the room, to find only Ginny in there, reading a book.

"Whatcha want?" asked Ginny, turning around on her swivel chair to face him. Ron took a deep breath and, sighing, asked the number one question of the day.

"What's a Horcrux?" Ginny just stared.

"Um Ron, I really don't know, but maybe this is something you should be asking the twins…or Dad?" said Ginny, giggling a little.

"AAAGH!" screamed Ron in frustration. He then went up to the wall, and started banging his head against it repeatedly.

Hermione entered the room about five minutes later, to find two very red-faced people. One was like this because she had been laughing so incredibly hard, and one was like that because he had been banging his head against a concrete wall for precisely five minutes.

"Er, Ron, what are you doing?" asked Hermione, staring curiously at Ron. Ron stopped self-harming for a minute.

"Banging my head against a concrete wall," and he started again.

"I see that. Why?" Ron turned around suddenly, and it was as if a godly light had suddenly shone down on Hermione. Though, there was a possibility that light was just coming from the window.

Ron suddenly realized something. Hermione would know- she knew everything!

"Mione, what's a Horcrux?"

"Well, Ron," she started, her I-Know-Everything look beginning to show on her face, "I... it's..."

Ron stared at her in anticipation.

Then her face started to crumple, and she dropped the books she had been holding.

"I...I don't know," she whispered, as if telling herself.

Then she looked up at Ron, a wild look in her eyes. "I don't know!" she cried, tears filling her eyes.

She sat down on the bed and began to rock back and forth, tears streaming from her eyes.

And this, my friends, is how the story ends.

Ron started banging his head against the wall again, and eventually knocked himself unconscious. He stayed out cold for a while, and then asked his parents what a Horcrux was. Needless to say, he never found out, and was banned from having magazines in any shape or form, which caused him to have a complete nervous breakdown.

Ginny stayed on the chair hysterically laughing for the most part of the day, and then finally got over it. Until she remembered Harry's little incident the night before.

Hermione had a mental breakdown, because she hadn't know what a Horcrux was, and was addicted to anti-depressants by the time she was eighteen.

The twins were scarred for life, because Ron had given them mental images of Dumbledore in magazines with what they thought were Horcruxes.

And last, but definitely not least, Harry. Poor Harry. He stayed in bed for the rest of his life, replaying the night of his sleepwalking over and over again in his mind. So you could say, that he had a breakdown too.

**A/N: Review ******


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